Hello friends. Welcome to the second edition of “Regrettably Yours.”
The first mailbag was a success, and personally, I feel like this one is going to be better. Maybe, maybe not. You guys will decide. I just hope it makes your Friday afternoon/weekend a little better.
Thanks for reading.
Let’s get started.
If you had to pick a song to die to, which one would it be?
Ah, starting off with death. Wonderful.
There are a couple of ways to answer this question. I can already tell with this mailbag, which is only in its second week of existence, that context is going to be crucial. Because I have multiple thoughts going on here. Is it the song I would want playing WHILE I’m dying, or like, at the funeral? And also, the way I die is going to factor into this.
If my death is exciting, I want a badass Stones song playing — preferably “Gimme Shelter” or “Can’t You Hear Me Knocking?” You know, if I die in a shootout or a plane crash, something cool like that, I need an exhilarating song. Give me that dirty Keith Richards guitar with the ornery Mick Jagger vocals every time. Going out Scorsese style, baby.
However, if I have an average, non-cool death, I would want others to somehow find humor in it. If I have a massive heart attack and it kills me, I absolutely want Billy Joel’s “Movin’ Out” with him yelling “heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack” in my ears. If it’s a car crash, I’m definitely going to want Steely Dan’s “Deacon Blues” (drink scotch whiskey all night long and DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE behind the wheel).
Play Keith’s version of Merle Haggard’s “Sing Me Back Home” at my funeral. Hopefully I don’t die soon, but you never know. You have to plan for these things.
Tell us why @Jon__Reed thinks that knowing a lot of stuff about the NBA and spouting it off to listeners is cool and where he gets the inclination that listeners care about the NBA, playoffs or not. Only like 250k people in the country actually care about the NBA.
Look, I don’t follow the NBA as well as I should.
I’m pretty much just a LeBron/playoffs fan, and I know 1000x more about college football than I do the NBA. Sometimes I check out when we talk NBA. I don’t mean to, because I do actually love watching NBA games, but I have trouble staying focused. And honestly, a lot of the contract stuff puts me to sleep.
But Jon is a huge NBA fan, and I know that a good portion of our audience cares about it. I know that Jon has done the polling/surverying before and NBA has done well in this market. Plus, I think it is important for shows to have certain strengths and weaknesses. The NBA is one of our strengths, thanks to Jon. Nobody else in the market knows the NBA that well.
Part of the audience probably doesn’t like it, but then another segment of the audience probably doesn’t like me talking about porn stars and strippers. It is impossible to please everyone with EVERYTHING. Hopefully we can be entertaining enough in the segments you like that you’ll stick with us through the ones you don’t — or at least tune out and come back the next day. Much love.
If you were able to eat yourself, would you become twice as big, or disappear completely?
By “eat yourself,” I’m assuming you mean literally consuming yourself inside-out, as in, beginning by putting your feet in your mouth and then consuming your legs and on up. This would require elite flexibility.
However, I posed this question to a couple of colleagues who asked if you could chop off your body parts and eat them that way. You know, sever your foot with a hatchet, toss it in some boiling water, add a little garlic powder and black pepper, then chow down. Or chop off your fingers, dip them in egg wash and roll them in flour before tossing them in the frying pan.
But the latter suggestions seem very dumb. Soon enough, you’re going to bleed out. Go ahead. Try chopping off your legs and see how that works out.
Your original question implies that you have the aforementioned supreme flexibility. As for what happens — becoming twice as big or disappearing completely — I have no idea. I’ve been pondering it for 24 hours now and I don’t have a good answer. I think you just die.
Last September I remember everyone saying that if UT, a Top 5 (or Top 10) program, didn’t get Jon Gruden or Chip Kelly, they were out on UT. How are those same UT fans now excited over hiring a grammar-challenged defensive coordinator?
The majority of people in any fan base are going to get behind their new football coach and give him the benefit of the doubt for a couple years. That’s just how it works, because what good would it do to just stay mad for his entire tenure? Change always brings some excitement, too. People want to see what the new coach’s program looks like.
Sure, there are other coaches Tennessee fans would have preferred. And not just Gruden or Kelly — I would include Mike Gundy, Dan Mullen, Mike Leach, Jeff Brohm, etc. Jeremy Pruitt probably wasn’t even in the Top 10 for most people. But eventually reality sets in and it is what it is. Pruitt is the coach now, and people are going to support him because he’s a likeable guy … a “football” guy if you will … and he’s Phillip Fulmer’s guy, which helps him a ton.
Are some people bullshitting themselves by trying to act excited over a guy who has never been a head coach? Sure. Some fans are already sheeping it up big-time for the guy. But I would contend that many others actually ARE excited, maybe just because of the change aspect and the fresh, clean feeling of moving on from Butch Jones.
Seth from Maynardville
How big is it?
How big is what? Are you asking what I think you’re asking?
Dammit Seth, I promised the boss that I would keep this mailbag as family-friendly as possible. I’ve been doing good, and here you are trying to steer me into the gutter.
So guess what? I will not answer your question in the way that you want me to. If you think I’m going to actually answer a question like that in WRITING on the INTERNET, something that never ever goes away???
You’ve gotta be kidding me.
Good lord. I mean… the audacity of your question. That’s one of the most personal questions you can ask a guy. As I’m typing this, I just can’t get over how appalled I am. Damn.
So yeah, moving on.
I guess the only way I can answer your question is to tell you to think about a king-sized Snickers bar.